My 11:11 wish...

Because I know it won't come true...

I could open up without consequence.

Mother's Day

Or as it's known by many in college, oh shit I really miss my mom day. As many on Facebook posted their statuses about how good it was to be with their moms it made me realize how much I really miss mine. I haven't seen her since I left at Christmas break and before that I practically lived at her house. If I could spend my college years at home with my mom and still have the same experience in college I'd do it in a heartbeat. And my only regret of high school is not having her around for all of it. If she ever reads this all I'd want her to know is that I love her with all my heart and miss her like no one's business. When I think of my mom I remember the days of little league when she would be the loudest parent in the stands and no matter what she had my back. I could have struck out looking and the ball could have been right down the middle and even though I tell her it was my fault it wouldn't stop her from yelling at the umpire for me. If there's one thing I'm looking forward to this summer, it's going back to Philly to see her.

It's a Mystery to Me.

Even in the midst of happiness in the life that I'm living there are subtle things about relationships with other people that can take me back to a place where I don't want to go. Although the times that I spent in the past were some of the best times in my life thinking about them can ruin my day almost instantly. It makes me wonder if you can ever really move on from someone or if you're always going to have that what if stuck in the back of your mind. Even as I've found new friends and girls to keep me occupied and happy theres always something that brings me back. Some question of how things have been for me or something that has happened in their life where I can relate to. I don't know how many times I've had to tell the story of my break ups to people in the past year, there are too many to count. You'd think the story would get easier to tell but no that would make life too easy. Each time I feel the same way and even as I write this I don't want to think about it. I'd rather forget everything happened than have to relive them which is sad since that was the best time in my life thus far. And at the same time I wonder if this will all just go away one day without me thinking about it.

I think the hardest part of all of it though is losing a friend. I went from texting someone non-stop (and I'd say that everyone who was around me would agree that it was non-stop) to where I'm at now where the last thing that I told her was essentially to fuck off. It's hard for exes to be friends and that may be the understatement of 2011. To be honest I'm not really sure why I'm thinking about this now. It comes in waves of extremes it seems like.

I don't really know what else to write here other than to apologize for my excessive rambling about irrelevant things that go through my head. Sometimes I just gotta get my thoughts out, even if the whole world's gonna see them.